Sharane's Axe Effect

Chocolates are always tempting so was the AXE Chocolate AD.
"The chocolate man, the 21st century reincarnation of the piped piper of Hameln,walking down the street.., followed not by swarm of rats but by a band of girls."
I was at home getting geared for my first trip to Bangalore when I saw the Ad for the first time on TV.
"You better close your mouth son.. !!"Amma said as I was staring at the TV open mouthed watching the ladies going gaga over the Chocolate man.I imagined myself running on the streets of Bangalore chased by "you know who..".That 65 second AD was seducing enough to list my name among the first patrons of the AXE Chocolate.. yea I got smitten by the AXE bug.. :P
Amma sensed my thought process and came up with her reflex conclusion
"I don't think it will be good.Dark Chocolates have a sour taste..!.I don't think it will make a good perfume"
"Amma its not a perfume its a deodorant" I replied
"Whatever be it son.. better don't buy it"she replied back.
Amma knew that I was craving for a bottle of the AXE and she knew that my intentions were the same as the chocolate guy in the AD.:D.She never wanted her son to tread the path which she belived was sin and which her moron son believed was salvation.May be it was her prayers or may be because Alleppey was too outdated for the AXE,I couldn't get a bottle even after two days of search.
My bag was ready stuffed with steam ironed shirts,trousers,biscuits and all the other accessories for my bangalore stay.Amma made it a point to make a chart of all the items that she had stuffed in my bag so that I don't face trouble in finding them.It was pretty long.!!
But still I felt that my heavy backpack was missing something.Yea I was right..,the AXE was missing.. :(.With a heavy heart I climbed up the airplane ladder to board the flight to bangalore..!!
My first weekend in bangalore was dedicated exclusively for the AXE Chocolate search,but adding to my dismay I couldn't get one.Each time the AD popped up on TV,my heart pounded faster.I believed that the root cause of my TIMELESSNESS was the absence of AXE.
"When you really want something to happen, the whole universe conspires so that your wish comes true".You must have read this in one of Cohelo's books.It remained as a paradox from the day I read it.To me it never appeared to be true.Its because each time I gave my uni exams,I made a genuine wish to get a 7.5 but never was my wish fructified.
But...for the first time, the saying saved me from yet another dismay.My hopes of running on the streets of bangalore revived when Sharane returned after his vaccation with a brand new AXE Chocolate.Sharane had seen the AD too.. :P.
Now it was time for the AXE Effect.The first month went by with each of us sharing that single bottle of AXE from Sharanee..but nothing changed..!!Then we decided to have separate bottles and slightly increased dosage to procure a better chance of being followed.But again nothing changed..!!
Since desperation being directly proportional to dosage,it augmented to such a level that from one bottle we moved to two bottles a month.The monthly allocation for cologne grew at an exponential rate than my annual increment.
Six months.. 12 bottles of AXE Chocolate 150 per bottle..,dosage twice a day..; but my expectation of a bee line still remained as an EXPECTATION..!!.The sight of empty bottles in the cupboard made me restless.I could sense the axed feeling.I was bloody tricked..!!.I 
felt sad for having spend a huge sum for no good.
Our house which was the voracious consumer of the AXE products six months back lost its prodigy.
But Sharane..wasn't ready to give up.He believed that patience was the key.He kept faith in AXE.The news about Vaibav Dev filing petition against AXE products hardly deterred his faith.Sharane continued using AXE..!!
Sharane was at Hyderabad for his team mate's wedding last weekend.He did carry his AXE..:). I was at home spending my valuable time glued in front of the TV.It was then the new AXE ad popped up for the first time.The ad portrayed the same ladies gaga theme,but this time it was not the axe man who spelled the ladies but a 'non-AXE user' who was 
standing next to the AXE man.The AXE field effect on a non-AXE user.!!
Wow..!!This sounds cool.A zero investement returns granted policy.But who will be the AXE man..??Me buying a new bottle of AXE and using and asking Riddi to stay near me to experience the AXE field effect wasn't a wise choice.My mind went fishing the possible options..
EUREKA..!!gotcha..
Sharane... the consistent , the lone AXE user.
Its time for the Sharane AXE Effect..!!Sharane using the AXE and me sticking with him to experience the AXE field effect .. :D.Hope this time the Ad turns true..!!

GOD and DICE

Monday 12:30 pm


Raph :"Da i dont think she will be coming.. :("
Riddi :"Guys i really dont know whats wrong with these girls.. "
Me :"sob.. sob.. :("


Dont be embarrassed reading the chat lines.This is just one of the our mundane concerns but unfortunately the most worrying one.Its been 14 months here in Bangalore all we could manage was..
a bike trip with 18 boys and a girl, 
a place amidst two crowded tables of girls at PURPLE HAZE but none at ours.., 
thirty minute wait in front of Le-ROCK on a friday evening owing to the absence of that extra GENRE..,
the sad "happy to be single" dinner at the Spirit Lounge on the eve of Feb14th.., 
the lone walk on the Brigade on  New Years Day..,
a complete row in INOX without an estrogen emitting element in it... !!!


Yea.. i know.. its SAD but its a FACT..!!


One worried night when this issue was raised by Sharanee to the notice of the "Timeless Ten", Sajan, the 'once upon a TIME' man proposed his famous
"God and Dice Theory.."
As per the God and Dice Theory, the male population on the globe is the conglomeration of groups of ten each.The group formation depends on the individual effort of a person to screw/wow his exams which earns him the tag of lazy/good, which  finally puts him into the 
bad/nice gang.The team tag/activity is the cumulation of the tag/activity of the team members which means that the tag/activity of the team intensifies on cumulation.Good makes the team 'more good' and the lazy makes the team 'awfully bad' :P.Once the team is 
bonded,now its time for the minority resource allocation.Since the good always deserve the best, each good group was allocated one ravishing minority resource each which created a scarcity of the minority resource for the rest.Too little resources for too many 'awfully bad groups' made God to implement the most whackiest idea of The Dice.The group who gets the call will get the resource.. and the rest is .....'ed!!!!
Well that sums up the theory.. 
This theory though its a bit complicated in black and blue, represents the root cause of our adversity.None of the loafers in our team of ten failed to make a proper call when GOD threw the DICE..!!
Some say that work is workship.I'd rather quote it as work is my tranquillizer..I bet for all the software geeks with googles its the same.They resort to tranquillizers because they failed to call the DICE.
Monday mornings do have a lassitude assosciated with it.I tried hard to evade the feeling by imagining the positive side of monday..."wow..4 more days to friday.!!" but the loafer in me corrected the line .."oh..man damn its 4 more days again to friday."
Luckily Riddi came up with and idea and pinged over IM


[Monday 12:00pm]

Riddi :Da how about meeting our junior from college

me :Da i haven't seen her.Why don't you ask Merin to invite her

               for lunch :D

Riddi :Fuck man.. thats awesome!! ;-)

me :yea i know.. 

Riddi invited Merin to the convo
Riddi :Merin how about we calling the junior for lunch
Merin :She is a very soft spoken kinda girl.Doesn't talk much.She'll be frightened to see a        group joining her for lunch
me :Call
Merin :OK..!!
Riddi :waw ;-)


Merin invited the Junior to the convo
Merin :Hai.. hows work
Jnr :Hi cheechi. works is hectic.Have to learn a lot
Riddi :Hi.. do you know me.. ??
Jnr :mm.. Ridish :)
Riddi : :-) so you have seen me at college.. gud ;-)
Jnr :I'm sorry I haven't seen you.The name is there on the IM.. :-)
Riddi :oh.. that's funny.. i like it.. :D
Merin :Are you busy..??how about meeting up at cafeteria for lunch?
Riddi :Yea.. You'll get to see me too :D
Jnr :I'm busy.Have a presentation.Will meet up some other day.
Riddi :oh..ok then carry on.Work is workship.Have a great day
Jnr :Thnks :-)


And that proved the theory once again.:(
Raph :"why its happening to us alone..?"
Riddi :"trust me fellas.. its not my influence"
me :"Guys THIS IS THAT"
Riddi :"What..??"
Raph :"God and DICE.. :(  "

Discovery of the Weekend:- "The CUTENESS of a girl is directly proportional to the UGLINESS of her best friend.!!"

It all began on friday evening with the Paris Hilton starrer "The Hottie and the The Nottie".
Riddi and me had plans to start the weekend with FUEL,Lemon Slice and Salt,but Riddi backed out at the very last minute as he had to drop Raph at Madiwala.But I just couldn't stop 
cerebrating the thought of Fuel,in a high ball glass,tinted with fine salt on the edges and a lemon wedge to sip.Wise people like Me and Einstein can hardly resist temptation.But taking a Fuel bottle in full and that too alone wasn't a viable idea..Hence I ditched my Fuel dreams for a date with the dark brown translucent bottle of MALT BEVERAGE.. labelled FOSTERS.
Two bottles of beer can make me happy, three can make me go whacky..but i had neither two nor three but ONE.. which made me half happy and half sleepy.
And there I sat with the empty bottle mulling about the rpm of the fan spinning above me."I had nothing else to do..!! :)."
Riddi was filing his online application so I couldn't fish on the net for UPDATES nor watch "Mandy and the Candy" the "ACTION" movie downloaded last week ;).
The door bell rang.It was Sharaa.Luckily he had his laptop too..Hurray..!!.
"Da plug in the charger before you switch on the lap and you can take the blue usb.I have copied couple of movies in that."Sharaa said.
Since I was running on a high reaction time owing to FOSTERS,it took me a couple of seconds to comprehend the sentence in full.I switched on the laptop, plugged in the charger and the usb.Sharaa had a collection of movies on the usb.I scrolled over the list.. none of them seemed to strike a familiar chord with my 2009 movie database.
I have this habit of watching the movies with funny names and the irony is that none of them turned out to be FUNNY..!!The typical ones where "I know what you did last SUMMER",which i expected to be a sex comedy deprived me of sleep for two days;"The number 23",which I belived was a baseball movie jinxed me to see 23 everywhere for 3 
days..But my spirit to pick movies by name hardly abated.So this time too my decision was biased.I picked "Hottie and Nottie".
I double-clicked on the avi file, the screen went black.I was waiting for the Colombia-Tristar to pop up,but even after 2 minutes it still stayed dark.It was then i noticed the red light flashing..out of charge..!!.I had plugged in the charger cable but the switched was not turned ON..!!Mm.. yeah the FOSTERS was working on ME.
I ignored the "ominous start" warning because it wasn't the first time.The movie was about a guy(Joel Moore) meeting up with his childhood girl friend(Paris Hilton) after 10 years,too unfortunate to find that she was still lingering with her ugly best friend from school.Though the director wanted it to be a fun movie, the actors did their best to deliver the worst of the performace.The expression less face of Ms.Hilton and the untimely dialogues of Joel made my 
evening from bad to worse.All I could really focus in the movie was the dialogue from Joel "The cuteness of a girl is directly proportional to the ugliness of her best friend..".
He recited those lines so often that by the end of the movie I learned it by heart..!
Having had a boring start to a weekend,I decided to step out on the road for a fag.Riddi joined me.It was 10.45 pm when I took in the first drag to ease my brain for having had a wrong pick this time too.We were standing next to the CCD near MALABAR.The CCD was still open.Sometimes I feel that my eye muscles are involuntary..its because each time I stand in front of APPEALING places like CCD's there is always this tendency to peep inside.:D.. yea its kinda uncontrollable..!! I peeped in through the tinted glass.It wasn't crowded though it was a friday night.There at the right end on the red couch was this girl in an orange bubble top,sipping hot chocolate smiling and chatting with the guy sitting opposite to her.. she had 
dimples too.. she was just awesome.Me and Riddi as usual stood outside gaping..!!From the way they talked,it was quite obvious that the "sparkles where in the air" and the "angles where playing the harp","waiting for cupid to bend the bow".She was laughing uncontrollably.In a desparate attempt to control it she leaned back on the couch..


"Fuck man .. look at her.!!"Riddi said
Sitting next to that gorgeous girl in orange on the same couch was another girl,a potential SUMO fighting prospect for India engulfing the last bit of the Chicken Croissant,which I belive the guy must have ordered for his girl.As we stood there, all three of them stepped out of CCD.The girl was walking behind her friend and the guy I belive was about to tell her that he'd drop her home.But throwing cold water on all their plans her SUMO girl pal pulled her hand and took her on her car..The guy stood there waving them good night.. !!
I felt a tremor down the spine.I could hear Joel saying "The cuteness of a girl is proportional to the ugliness of her best friend..!!"in my head.Yea my wrong choice was haunting me again.God.. I'm witnessing the dialogue enacted in real.!!The gorgeous orange girl 
with her nefarious SUMO pal.. Shit..WTF.
I laid back on my bed.. i couldn't sleep..rolled sideways and finally dug my head underneath the pillow so as to save myself from nightmares..!!
Saturday morning was fine..Woke up at 11.Hence I decided to skip breakfast for an early lunch at Clay Pot.Me Riddi and Sharaa reached Clay Pot at 1.10.We got the penultimate table on the second row.Sharaa and Riddi went to the wash meanwhile i settled on the chair.We placed our orders and anticipated for the dishes to furnish the table in front.. :P
There on the left row was the ORACLE girl,the fabulous looking,fair skinned,curly hair whom I had seen couple of times in our tech park. She was there,sitting opposite to me on my left side table.She had come for lunch with her pal i belive.I couldn't see the person who was sitting opposite to her since Riddi was blocking my view.Food arrived..I had to pay the price of my involuntary gape because owing to a lack of concentration own my food,I mixed payasam insted of daal with rice..!!
"Rice with paayasam is awesome guys..!!You should try it once.. :P"
I kept my blunder concealed because I din't want the two loafers sitting with me to create a havoc and embarass ME and that too in front of a girl..
Finally i accomplished the task of gulping rice and payasam and got up to wash.I went past her,ignoring the other girl sitting opposite to her.Washed my hand,turned around to take a tissue.I looked at the table where she was sitting..I was facing her back.. I looked at the 
girl pal sitting opposite her..My head spinned..!!
I could hear Joel playing harp,running around on my head,giggling at me and reciting his lines.. "The cuteness of a girl is directly proportional to the ..............."
No..Please.. no more wrong picks anymore.. Stop Haunting ME..!!!